BPD10- Me: Needing Everything Just So

     Can any of you identify with this?  Are you just a born perfectionist?  I am.  I'm the kind of person, that if they make one mistake, will start all over.  I'm the kind of person that's biggest fear is not doing well at something.  I have high expectations for myself, and when I don't meet them, I tear myself down.  In whatever I do, I try to be excellent.
     I'm sure most of us start out every school year by planning out your routine and exactly how everything is going to go.  But do we continue?  Nah.  I set expectations so high for myself sometimes, that I make little to no progress on whatever I set out to do.  It frustrates me when I can't do something.  It's hard for me when I don't feel like people recognize my talents.  That's a big weakness for me.  I want recognition.  I want everyone to think "Wow!  She's really good at that!"
     When I was younger I always planned my birthday parties to the minute.  I wanted to follow the schedule because everything had to be just as I had imagined it.  It wasn't even fun, because I would get so stressed out and not enjoy it.  I've tried to let loose a little more and go with things.
       I'm a huge planner.  I want to know what I'm wearing tomorrow, exactly what I'm doing, and when things are going to happen.  I have to imagine how it's going to work out, and plan around it.  I am not a very spontaneous person.
     I'm a big list maker.  Nothing says orderliness like a good list!